


Intervention

by Tillyalf427



Category: Free!
Genre: Asahi Is A Good Wingman, Crack, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Humor, Intervention, Kisumi Is Honestly Chaotic, Kisumi just wants a hug, Maybe OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tillyalf427/pseuds/Tillyalf427
Summary: "Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today," Kisumi leaned forward on the table, glancing around at his friends with his hands clasped before him, resting on top of his laptop."There is an imposter among us,"The cafe was silent for a moment, five pairs of eyes trained on Kisumi until Asahi could no longer hold back a rather loud snort of laughter."Like the game?""Asahi I can assure you this is not a game,"
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 8





	Intervention

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much just crack that I wrote to make myself feel better :)  
> What I wouldn't give to spend a day with chaotic™ Kisumi  
> I also find it rather amusing that anytime there's a coronavirus announcement in the UK, Boris has to ask someone to change the slide for him instead of just getting a remote thing like they use in schools so yeah :)

"Now I'm sure you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today," Kisumi leaned forward on the table, glancing around at his friends with his hands clasped before him, resting on top of his laptop.

"Not really, you told me you'd help with some homework," Asahi looked around at the others, realising that Kisumi probably made that up.

"You told me you needed advice," Makoto added

"You told me you'd drive me to the pool after,"

"Haru!" Makoto scolded being interrupted by Kisumi cleared his throat, dragging their attention back to him

"There is an imposter among us,"

The cafe was silent for a moment, five pairs of eyes trained on Kisumi until Asahi could no longer hold back a rather loud snort of laughter.

"Like the game?"

"Asahi I can assure you this is not a game," Kisumi sounded more serious than Asahi had ever heard him as he opened his laptop, clicking on a couple of things before placing it at the end of the table in view of everyone. "Asahi, if you wouldn't mind could you do the honours of being my wingman?"

"Uh...Sure?"

"Good," Kisumi clapped his hands together "Now it has come to my attention that some of us are putting more effort into this relationship than others,"

"We're not in a rela-" Hiyori began only to be cut off immediately

"Shush. This is exactly what I mean," Waving a hand, Kisumi turned to Asahi "Now, if my beautiful assistant would change the slide for me thank you,"

With his face burning red, Asahi clicked the mouse, the screen changed to the next slide, accompanied by some cheesy transition that earned a scoff from more than half of the table. 

"I would like to address an issue that I feel is important," For a brief moment, various looks were exchanged, some becoming concerned (Makoto) and some filled with confusion (Ikuya and Hiyori). Then there was Haru looking between Kisumi and Asahi as if he could figure out what Kisumi was getting at, despite Asahi having no real involvement in whatever this was. "As you can see on the slide, I have put together a few pie charts. This first one shows the average amount of times I hug each of you. And I'm sure you can see, Asahi is in red, Makoto in green, Hiyori in orange and Haru in blue," 

Asahi seemed to have gotten the hint, pointing to each section as Kisumi spoke, unsure of where this was going despite being Kisumi's supposed wingman.

"Now, there are a few issues with this, firstly Hiyori," Kisumi paused for effect "I'm going to let you off because I haven't known you for long, Haru on the other hand," Kisumi turned to said male with a sigh "I would really appreciate if you would let me hug you normally instead of shrugging me off most the time. However," He paused dramatically, letting the silence settle for a moment "There is a bigger issue, that needs to be addressed today"

More exchanged looks only seemed to spur Kiusmi on more and he turned once again to Asahi.

"Next slide please," After the over the top transition, the slide contained one question which Kisumi repeated out loud "Who here today was missing from that pie chart?" he glanced around, watching as everyone slowly turned to look at Ikuya with varying confused expressions as he flushed under the attention. 

They were briefly interrupted by Akane bringing them more drinks accompanied by a questioning look which Kisumi brushed off with his usual smile.

"Now I will add that these pie charts are estimates, they might not be completely accurate but for this purpose, they will do. Next slide please," Asahi complied and another pie chart appeared "Now this one shows an estimate of the number of attempted hugs which get brushed off or rejected. This one really says it all,"

"Kisumi why is this even important?" Ikuya sighed, face still flushed.

"Because I like hugs. Even Hiyori doesn't mind which made me question whether Ikuya is emotionally constipated,"

"Kisumi!" The blush that had somewhat faded was back full force and Kisumi couldn't hold back a light, airy laugh.

"So back to the PowerPoint. As you can see the majority of rejected hugs comes from Ikuya, even Haru doesn't come close. You could view this as an intervention of sorts, maybe even like a therapy session,"

Now that he had reached his main point, Asahi and Hiyori seemed to be finding the funny side of it, holding back laughter for Ikuya's sake as Kisumi leaned across the table towards the IM swimmer. 

"Now I have a couple of theories. Number one; Ikuya is allergic to human touch," He reached out to poke Ikuya's face before continuing "Now I had already mostly ruled this one out because he never avoids Hiyori. Unless of course Hiyori was also not human but I've not quite finished that PowerPoint yet. He also has not collapsed or died from me poking him. Number two; Some sort of childhood trauma. I've not worked out what yet-"

"How about we move on," Ikuya interrupted

"Okay, so no childhood trauma. My third and last theory is that Ikuya is so emotionally constipated that he doesn't know how to deal with affection,"

Again the cafe was filled with silence and Ikuya found himself thankful that they seemed to be the only people here, especially considering Kisumi's lack of volume control.

"Next slide please," Kisumi turned to Asahi again, interrupting the silence as he changed the slide for the last time "Okay! Any questions? Solutions? Any other comments?"

No one dared speak. It was only when Asahi and Hiyori could no longer hold back their laughter that the silence was broken, filling the cafe with absolute chaos.

"Yeah, I have a question," Asahi spoke up "What the fuck?"

Kisumi pouted in response "I'm being serious, I made charts and everything,"

"Oh my god," Hiyori spoke under his breath.

"Kisumi," Ikuya spoke up, lifting his head from where it had been buried in his hands.

"Hmm?" 

"If I stop pushing you away when you hug me will you promise to never do anything like this again?"

"Deal," Kisumi didn't even consider his response "Ah but what about analysing whether Haru is part fish?"


End file.
